Flirting with Maybe: A Novella (HarperTeen Impulse) Read online

  Dedication

  To the DG—my dugout girls

  Contents

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Excerpt from Sweet Peril

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  About the Author

  Back Ad

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  CHAPTER ONE

  He was fifteen and she was seventeen. He knew her loud laugh and how she talked faster when she got excited. He knew from her pace down the halls whether she was happy or lost in thought. He knew she could send a text and slide her phone back in her bag before he could blink. He knew the look of her toned legs in a tennis skirt, and of her athletic body in general. He knew far too much about a girl who probably didn’t know he existed.

  Senior girls at Ryan’s school didn’t date underclassmen. It was unheard of, so he knew he stood no chance. The older guys were taller, stronger, more confident. Sometimes older guys got with younger girls, but it never happened the other way around. It would be considered the height of uncoolness for chicks. Ryan knew that, but still . . .

  He held his breath every day between fourth and fifth period and stared at the floor until she passed him in the hall. If he was alone, he might dare to turn and watch her blond ponytail swing from side to side or get a glance of a loose braid hanging down her back. Brooke had a natural look. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup like most girls. On that October day when she approached his locker, hugging a biology book to her chest, he finally had the excuse to take in every detail.

  “Ryan McPhearson, right?”

  He recognized her voice and looked up, shocked that she knew his name. She was even hotter close-up, standing there with a smile on her smooth lips. At first all he could do was breathe her in, and he swore he smelled cupcakes. Ryan felt his face turning red, so he tilted his head down just enough to shield his eyes under his baseball cap. He knew his straight brown hair needed a cut and was probably sticking out from under his hat, looking overgrown. He’d envisioned himself meeting her so many times, but he’d never pictured himself being timid.

  “Yeah,” said Ryan.

  “I’m Brooke Bennett. I heard you’re playing fall ball on the varsity baseball team.”

  She waited patiently for him to answer. He finally popped his mouth open and said, “Uh . . . yeah.”

  Ryan had never wanted a do-over so badly in his life.

  “That’s awesome.” She shifted the book to her sexy hip, and Ryan had to swallow. “Coach doesn’t usually take sophomores. If you’re in for fall ball, then you’re probably in for the spring season. You must be good.”

  Praise made him uncomfortable. When he didn’t answer, Brooke reached up and gently tugged the bill of his hat to make him look at her. All signs of intelligence evaded him.

  “I’m managing the team this year,” she said.

  He knew that. He nodded in response, not trusting himself to speak.

  “You’re so shy.” Her words made him silently curse himself.

  At the sound of amusement in her voice, he peeked, only to feel stupid under her steady, curious gaze—her adorable head tilted. Ryan gave a huff and shrugged, knowing it was too late to try and play cool.

  “That’s okay,” she told him. “It’s cute.”

  Cute. Ryan wanted to die. In a painful, gory, noncute way.

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you around. . . . Bye, Ry.”

  He cleared his throat and said, “Bye.” But she was already walking away.

  Despite being disgusted with himself, he went to class that day, unable to control his grin. Brooke Bennett had talked to him. In real life. She’d called him Ry. He never let anyone call him that because it sounded babyish, but when Brooke’d said it, it’d sounded like a term of endearment—like they were close.

  He braved eye contact with her every day in the hall after that. She’d pause in her conversations to smile and wave. His friends would slap at him with admiration. He got bolder, moving from nods to smiles to hellos and playful shoulder bumps if they passed closely enough. If Ryan was having a great day, he’d even poke her in the waist as she went by, making her squeal in front of all her friends. She always smelled like vanilla—cookies or cake or something, and it went straight to his head.

  Drawing a single smile from her was enough to make him soar all day.

  Ryan turned sixteen in February and his mom scrounged her savings to buy him a small, boxy used car. He hadn’t been embarrassed by the bright teal-green color until his friends started calling it the “toy box.” But that ended quickly when they needed rides.

  One frozen afternoon, Brooke walked over to him in the school parking lot. He watched her breath trail off in white puffs. Her cheeks were bright pink and she wore a dangly red scarf. Ryan had the urge to pull her close and warm her up.

  “Wow, you got a car!” she said, surveying the toy box. “It’s so cute!”

  Cute. He was starting to hate that word.

  “I think the word you’re looking for is manly,” he said.

  “Well of course it’s manly! It’s a symbol of your freedom!” She patted the hood with her gloved hand, looking up with a smile. Sometimes her smile short-circuited his communication abilities.

  She glanced around the parking lot. “Are you driving the boys today?”

  “No. Need a ride?” He braced himself for rejection, knowing she always rode with her senior friends.

  “Seriously?” Her eyes danced. “That’d be awesome.” She stood on tiptoe and shouted across the lot. “HEY, JACKIE! I’m going with Ry today!”

  Her shouts drew everyone’s attention. Jackie, Brooke’s best friend, waved back in response. Ryan listened as some of the older guys from his team called out, “Oh, Ry!” He flushed, though he couldn’t care less about the catcalls. He was in disbelief. She’d be in his car and she didn’t care if everyone knew.

  They both climbed in, and Ryan became hyperaware of every possible flaw. He kept the car sparkling clean, but the previous owner had smoked. What if it smelled bad? Soon Brooke’s vanilla scent overpowered any possible stink and made him light-headed.

  “It’s freaking cold!” Brooke said.

  Ryan started up the toy box and cranked the heater. “Maybe it’ll snow.”

  “Psh. I wish. We need a snow day. Winter sucks here. One year we get three feet of snow, and then the next year nothing.”

  He couldn’t believe she was right there, inches from him, talking about northern Virginia weather, completely clueless about the way she made his stomach feel like he was speeding over hills. She wore a look of contentment, and her big brown eyes danced as if being in the car with him was some kind of adventure.

  “Mind if I touch your stuff?” she asked.

  “Huh?” Ryan’s thoughts nose-dived into the gutter.

  Brooke giggled and pointed to the radio dials. “I know some guys are funny about their stuff.”

  Ryan managed a smile, feeling too warm. “Sure, yeah. My stuff is, uh, yours to touch.”

  Crap . . . he did not just say that. He hoped she didn’t think he was a perv.

  Brooke just shook her head and laughed again. She pulled off her gloves and reached for the dials, tuning in to a bad pop station. Even her hands with their short, unpainted nails were adorable a
s they touched his stuff. Ryan forced his eyes to the road.

  He drove through the parking lot and Brooke turned up the radio, leaning over Ryan’s lap to honk the horn. Other cars started honking their horns as well. Ryan had to laugh. She was so alive and self-assured. He wanted to be alive like that—not the type of guy who shut down in the presence of a pretty girl.

  As he was about to pass her friend Jackie, Brooke rolled her window down to wave and shout “Woo!” The freezing air bit at his face, a relief after his overheated moment. Her friends laughed, rolling down their own windows to holler back as Ryan sped off, soaking it in. He kind of loved how Brooke made herself at home in his space.

  When they got on the main road, Brooke rolled up the window, turning to face Ryan.

  “Do you have to go home right away?”

  His pulse jumped. “No. I just have to be back up at school at five for batting practice.”

  In the spring they’d have practice right after school, but during the winter Coach didn’t want to use the frozen field, so they had to wait until basketball players were done with the gym.

  “Can we just drive around?” asked Brooke. “I don’t want to go home yet.”

  “Okay.” It seemed like a safer answer than “Hell yeah!”

  He drove around and ended up at the state park three miles from his house. He parked in an empty lot overlooking the Potomac River, and they sat there, surrounded by bare trees. Ryan fidgeted. He patted his thighs, put his hands on the steering wheel, then propped his elbows on the armrests. Brooke sat still, staring out her window for a long time before speaking.

  “Tell me about yourself.”

  He wondered what she wanted to know, and decided to keep it basic.

  “I, um, live with my mom—”

  “Just your mom?” Brooke interrupted.

  “Yes.”

  “Wow, you’re lucky. I wish I lived with just my mom. My parents divorced and then my mom remarried a guy named Ron.” She said his name with disgust. “Ron the con. He acted all sweet at first until they got married.”

  Ryan wondered what the story was there. He had a stepmom, but she was actually pretty cool. “What’s wrong with him?”

  She still stared out the window. “He hates me.”

  “There’s no way he could hate you.”

  This brought her to life. She turned, and her eyes seemed darker.

  “It’s like we’re competing for my mom’s attention. She’s always making excuses for what a controlling jerk he is. I guess when they got married, he took on all the debt she had from when she was with my dad, and I get that it sucks, but he’s such an asshole about it. My mom was gonna let me use their old car, but he said no because their insurance would go up. He gets mad if he has to spend money on me.”

  “Can’t your dad help?”

  Brooke looked embarrassed for the first time. Or maybe sad. She slumped a little and glanced down at her crossed arms. “He hasn’t, you know, paid child support in a long time.”

  Ryan was shocked she’d share so much with him. He felt weirdly special. They sat in expectant silence for a moment.

  “Sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to go off like that. Tell me about your dad.”

  “It’s okay. Not much to say. He moved to Michigan with his new wife when I was in fifth grade. I go see him every summer. It’s getting harder now with ball all year.”

  “Do you like both your parents?”

  Ryan nodded. He still couldn’t believe Brooke was talking to him like this. Telling him stuff and asking about him. Like she needed someone to talk to, which made no sense because she had a ton of friends.

  “My dad was awesome,” she said. “He was never sad or mean. He made everything fun. Did you know he played minor-league baseball?”

  “Really?” It explained how she knew so much about ball.

  “Yeah. I used to go to his games and stand next to the dugout so I could listen to everything. But they let him go because he had a—” She cleared her throat. “A drinking problem. He couldn’t be serious about anything. Anyway . . . geez. That’s my sob story. I’m not usually such an oversharer. My friends don’t even know.”

  She blushed and her body tightened. Ryan sat there basking in the incredible feeling that he knew something about her other people didn’t know. Then he realized he’d been quiet too long.

  “It’s okay,” Ryan told her. He felt a little desperate to let her know he wasn’t judging her or her family. “What position did he play?”

  His question made her relax, and her eyes came back to life.

  “Shortstop. He was amazing, Ry. The Orioles were talking about moving him up. . . .”

  Her voice trailed off and Ryan’s stomach contracted, because, dude . . . her dad had been living the dream and he’d blown it. Then he’d lost his wife and daughter, too. Ryan couldn’t fathom life spiraling out of control like that.

  “Do you ever talk to him?” he asked.

  “We’ve emailed a couple times over the years. He always makes it seem like things are great and he’s getting his act together, but then I go months without hearing from him again. It’s been a year since he wrote. Sometimes I think he forgets I exist.”

  She stared at the river through the windshield, and Ryan wanted to touch her face—anything to make her frown go away.

  “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this,” she whispered, still looking straight ahead.

  “Maybe you just need to get it off your chest,” he offered.

  She looked at him with such openness it made him feel naked for a second, like they were sharing some crazy soul-bearing moment, and he had to swallow. He’d never felt something so intense with anyone, as if a mutual understanding had been forged without the need for words.

  “I could probably tell you anything, huh?” she whispered.

  “You could tell me anything.” You could tell me everything, and I’d want to hear it.

  “And you’d never tell a soul.”

  “No.”

  There was trust in her eyes, and his desire to know everything about her suddenly became a need. Why was this girl affecting him like this?

  She took a deep breath and reached down for her seat lever, leaning her seat all the way back. He felt his eyes go wide. Oh, God, she’s lying down in my car. Making herself comfortable. Why is she lying down? Should I do something? He didn’t know what to do with his hands, and he didn’t want her to know he was freaking out, so he rubbed his palms up and down his thighs. Brooke looked up at Ryan and let out a sweet laugh.

  “You’re always so nervous around me.”

  She sat up and leaned over his lap, sending Ryan’s heart into overdrive and making his blood pump to places he’d rather it not. With one hand she grabbed the seat lever next to his door and with the other hand she pushed his seat back until it was lying down. He went stiffly backward, as he stared up at her.

  “Relax, Ry.” She patted his cheek, then lay back in her own seat. “I’m not gonna bite you.”

  He sputtered out a nervous laugh. It took a few minutes for his pulse to calm. Ryan stared up at the shabby ceiling. He could tell she just wanted to chill and talk. He could manage that, right?

  “Why do you always smell like cake?” he asked, immediately feeling stupid.

  She giggled. “It’s my lotion.”

  There was lotion that smelled edible? People were geniuses. He noticed she was watching him thoughtfully, so he tried to think of something to say.

  “You’re an only child, right?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I always wished I had a big brother.”

  “Me, too,” he said. “Only child. Wanted a big brother.”

  “Sucks for us.” Brooke stuck out her fist and he bumped it with his. Ryan wondered if she ever felt as alone as him. He got along great with his mom, but she worked long hours as a nurse. He’d always wished for a loud houseful of people like some of his friends had.

  “Have you applied to college?” he
asked.

  “Yep. I applied to UNC. My grandfather went there. He played baseball, too.”

  “Wow, UNC.” That was kind of far—at least six hours away.

  “I’ll be glad to get away. Ron the con only wants me to apply to in-state schools, but this is my dream.”

  Just then Brooke gasped and tapped Ryan’s arm, pointing out the window. A doe and her fawn were walking across a path ten feet away from the car. Ryan glanced at Brooke and saw tenderness in her face as she watched.

  “They look happy,” she whispered.

  She looked sort of wistful, and he wondered what was going on in that head of hers.

  “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Brooke asked.

  “Uh . . .” He shrugged.

  “I know two pretty sophomore girls who like you. Sarah what’s-her-name and that short girl Michelle with the brown, curly hair. I heard them talking about you in the bathroom.” Brooke lifted her eyebrows.

  “Oh, Michelle Vasquez and Sarah Picard? No, they’re just my friends.”

  “Mmhm . . . is this part of your shy thing?” She grinned, making him squirm a little.

  “Nah,” he said. “I’m serious.”

  He stared at her lips and wondered what she’d do if he leaned over and kissed her. He imagined her opening her mouth for him and going wild for his touch, though he knew realistically she’d be more likely to smack him.

  He tried to concentrate as she continued talking. “Being single kind of sucks. I’m sure you’ll hear about this if you haven’t already, but I was dating J.J. for a while. I’ve known him forever, so I should have known better than to go out with him. You know J.J.?”

  Ryan nodded, appalled. Everyone knew the all-star varsity pitcher J.J. McDonald. Did Brooke have any idea what kind of shit that guy talked in the locker room? If any girl could hear him, she’d steer clear. Or maybe not. Girls were kind of weird like that.

  Brooke must have been able to read the revulsion on his face.

  “I know,” she said with a sigh. “He’s a jerk, right? I thought he’d be nicer since we were friends for so long.”